I decided to start this blog on a whim. I’m a conscious bottler of emotions. I rarely share my personal experiences with those around me as I hate to feel that I’m burdening others with the path that I’m following.
The first time that I miscarried, I struggled to lean on anybody around me. My boyfriend made the call to my mom when we found out that there was no heartbeat and he didn’t know what to do. My behaviour scared him as the fact is, I rallied around like normal. My mom drove straight to my house and stayed whilst I slowly loosened the restraint and allowed myself to be… human.
On the second occasion, I had moved to another city where my closest friends and family were almost 150 miles away. I leaned more heavily on my boyfriend but spoke more confidently with my close family after the miscarriage happened. Empowering myself with as much information about my condition as I could muster allowed me to feel more comfortable discussing a condition that my nearest and dearest just didn’t understand.
In my huge family I’m the only person (to my knowledge) to have experienced something like this. It’s not genetic. It’s a malformation. An abnormality that I just have to understand and work with as best as I can. The fact is I’m surrounded by family and friends that have successfully conceived and delivered a child and I struggle to speak to them about what I think will be my perceived limitation.
Miscarriage feels like such a taboo. Nobody talk about the failures. They talk about the success of pregnancy, the experiences whether it’s positive or negative but rarely the journey that they’ve taken before being able to embrace success.
When you throw a uterine condition into the mix it feels even more unsettling. I could find limited information about uterus didelphys online. My doctors have limited experience with the condition and I wanted to talk to somebody about their personal experience – tricky when it’s estimated to affect about one in 2,000 women worldwide!
Right now, this is my reality. I’m in my early thirties and following a diagnosis at the age of 25, I as yet have no children.
Various news sources regularly remind us that as women, our options become more limited and more risky with age. So I chose to start this blog, documenting the highs, the lows and anything in between related to my experience with uterus didelphys in the hope that one day, I’ll succeed with carrying a child to term. In the meantime, this is my journey to motherhood.